I recently tried smoking a cigarette. I've tried cigarette when I was 5, but I guess it was just a 'bad influence' from the older people around me, and I remembered spitting it out directly. My second attempt on trying cigarette was when I was 18. One day I was super bored, so I stole one cigarette from my exstepfather. It only succeeded for like 10 seconds. So the 2nd attempt was longer and more successful than the first one.
This third time, however, I smoked the entire piece of cigarette. So it was pretty successful. I now understood why some people say "smoking taste sweet". I smoked a 'grape-flavoured' cigarette, and when I licked my lips, it was sweet. I understood now, but the sweetness didn't come from the tobacco or whatever it is that's burning and create the 'smoke'. It's from the filter. The filter itself was sweet. Like candy-sweet, but not as sweet as candy. How did I know it?
Well, I licked the filter.
So in addition of smoking, I was also licking the filter like a dumbass.
But anyway, now my personal decade-old question of "What do people mean by 'smoking is sweet'?" finally gets answered. It's also strangely calming. I was fighting dumb stuff with the boyfriend before, but by the time I finished smoking, I was calm. Afterwards, I was able to talk with him without explosive emotions. It's probably because when I smoked, I didn't do anything but smoking, watching the tobacco burned slowly as it created thin delicate ash into the air.
It's like watching a koi pond, but darker. And cancerous.
When I watch a koi pond, I feel strangely calm too, because I do nothing but watching those beautiful fish swim. It's like a sweet spot between being hypnotized and being aware.
I also found out that cigarettes are quite expensive. For 1 pack of cigarette I could buy 2 portions of full meal (in Surabaya), or 3 portions of full meal (in Blitar).
I think cigarettes are overrated, tho. I think people are having cigarettes mostly because other people have it. Just like women wear make up and high heels mostly because other people wear it. It's not necessarily cool or poetic or anything, I mean if you're Albert Camus and you smoke cigarette, you'll be cool (because you're Albert Camus), but if you're just a 5 foot tall skinny Indonesian guy in rural village and you smoke cigarette, you won't be cool, you'll just look like an average poor guy.
Smoking is bad for health. If something is bad for health, it would probably shorten your life expectancy. But if I were a smoker and I consider quitting smoking, I'll probably examine the pros and cons of quitting smoking as the following:
Pros: I'll live longer
Cons: I'll live longer
(borrowed from Abi Gibson's take on 'why I should or shouldn't I exercise?')
I think cigarette is like coffee. Both taste shit at its original form. But then you attach 'persona' and 'emotional affiliations' and 'pop culture' to it, then it becomes cool, then everybody accept it, even kinda worship it. Then to make more people accept it, you add other things, like sugar, milk, creamer in coffee and sweet grape filter in cigarettes. But there's no shame in that. I hate coffee because it gives me anxiety attack everytime, but I still drink it anyway.
Anyway that's also how we treat life. Life is shit at its original form, but then we attach 'persona' and 'emotional affiliations' and 'pop culture' and blah blah blah, then it becomes cool, then everybody accept it, even kinda worship it, then to make more people accept it, you add other things like love, friendship, purpose, god, and other big lies. But there's no shame in that. I hate life because it gives me existential pain everytime, but I still do it and I won't kill myself and I don't mind having children anyway.
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*) title is borrowed too, from Lana del Rey's lyrics.
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