the story of me going to work on national holiday (bonus my thoughts at 3 am)

On 17 August I woke up with headache and disorientation because I slept short hours, due to having too much fun talking with my boyfriend on the night before. The motorcycle engine won't start when I tried to start it, so I literally 'nuntun' that motorcycle to the nearest mechanic at 7 am. The mechanic tried starting the engine and it worked. Idk why my attempt didn't work, but it was enough to upset me. 

Then I rode like 40 minutes to work. When I arrived, the gate was locked. I was confused. Then the cook/cleaning woman appeared, opening the gate, she said, "Today is national holiday. You didn't know?" 

(apparently the cook/cleaning ppl there never get a regular holiday. they work 7 days a week regardless public holidays. wtf. is that even legal?)

I asked, "Wait, they didn't move the holiday to tomorrow? (because on previous week, there was also public holiday on Tuesday, but the govt 'moved' the holiday to the next day, Wednesday, bcs they think if there's a holiday on Tuesday, workers will take a leave on Monday and had time from Saturday to Tuesday to travel places, hence spreading Covid even more) 

The cook/cleaning lady said, "No..." She looked at me with weird, funny looks. 

I couldn't help but feeling so stupid and disoriented. I got the dates mixed so bad, and to be honest this isnt the first time. I also couldn't stop wondering what was wrong with me. I needed something to 'justify' my 40 commute to town, so i stopped by a gelato cafe before going back home. Workers in gelato shop looked at me with a weird stare. Guess they were thinking, "why is this person wearing work attire going to gelato shop at 8 am on a national holiday? also why is she looking so pissed?"

Oh well. At least i had gelato. I had 3-flavours gelato: avocado, coconut, and bamboo charcoal. It was good. 

Okay so apparently the govt shifted 2 Tuesday public holidays to Wednesday, and they were the 11 August  to 12 August (Islamic new year), 19 August to 20 August (Mohammad's birthday, idk why we're celebrating it that's weird). I thought they also shifted the 17 august holiday. But they didn't.

ok but then i remember the jesus ppl also celebrate jesus birthday and they make it like really, really big deal. from an apostate view, religious holidays are super weird. i mean, like, abraham literally tried to kill his son, and muslim ppl celebrate it? wtf? isn't that supposed to be domestic-homicide awareness day and not goat/cattle-slaughtering party? abraham is a fucking psychopath. anyone celebrates idul adha must be so sick in the brain. i mean god delusion is pretty common among mentally-ill people. nowadays if anybody kills anyone bcs "god told me to" they're 100% going to jail. and we're just gonna celebrate abraham tried to kill his son? what kind of logic is that?

also i always wonder who jesus real biological father was. i feel sorry for that guy cause he's basically been denied existence for centuries. then i had weird thought that mary was probably some kind of liberal-adventurous woman who met a random hot guy somewhere in a desert and she was like, "fuck me" and the guy was "hell yeah" and so they fucked and copulated a baby jesus. i wonder if someday i give birth as a single woman and claim "i'm a virgin" they're gonna send me to a psych ward for postpartum insanity.

(im sorry i don't mean to blaspheme abrahamic religions or any religions at all, i dont want to go to prison over a dumb personal blog. so if anyone feels offended i apologize)

also this whole virgin mary thing is so bad, women actually get prosecuted for not being virgin. like what. i mean, the point of having a vagina is literally to have sex. at least ppl with penis can use their penis to pee. but no i can't pee from my vagina. my vagina and the entire burdensome reproduction organs--which gives me pain every month--is made for a dick. so why is it so wrong to have a dick inside your vagina?  

anw, so yeah. i went to work on public holiday because i was so unaware. i thought they also shifted the 17 august holiday. but they didn't. that's bullshit. they moved islamic public holiday but they won't move 17 august holiday. know why? because if you move it to 18 august it wont be 'libur 17 agustus' anymore. it's so important to have holiday in 17 august so everyone won't forget we 'gained' independence on 17 august, not 18 august. but if you applied it to the islamic new year from 1 muharram to 2 muharram it's okay like it doesn't matter. nobody cares about islamic calendar anyway, rriigghht??

(i'm not being islamic i'm just applying the 'shift-the-holiday-to-wednesday-logic'. asshole government think they're preventing covid. i don't think so. i think they're just being assholes to workers. i mean, when was the last time capitalism gave us 3 or 4 day offs in a row so we can enjoy nature or do quality time with friends/partner/family? never) 

(also anw AM said the govt shifting holiday is so weird bcs in Japan the govt 'collect' holidays, e.g. if the public holiday is originally in thursday they move it to friday so ppl can have 3 days off. and if the pubic holiday originally on saturday or sunday, they'll 'replace' it for example on monday. that's so nice. look, that's a govt that care about worker's mental health. not like this asshole govt.) 

(also govt. i apologize if you get offended, i dont want to go to prison for criticizing the govt over a dumb blog post)

also since work is super dull, and i wondered if all work generally are also so dull, i'm thinking about going to school again. work makes me realise i love going to school. i just like studying and learning new things. but i have 2 problems: (1) the money (2) what field of study? 

i mean i can do postgrad law but that would be a self-rape because i hate law. just like philosophy, it's mostly bullshit to me. to me it looks more like one of those 'he-said-she-said 'science' (if you can even call it science). but in law, it's not even 'he-said-she-said', it's just 'he-said-he-said' and by 'he' i meant dead rich european men with ridiculous beard. 

i remember watching robert sapolsky lectures of behaviour and biology and neurology and all those awesome stuffs (because they're so convincing and real and believable), and then youtube autoplay led me to a law lecture from one of Harvard's best professor, and the entire law lecture i couldn't stop thinking how bullshit the lecture was in comparison to sapolsky's lecture. actually that law lecture was 70x better than law lectures i got in university, but still, it's not 'good enough'. all the legal philosophizing and dogmas and principles and ideology they're just not convincing at all. 

like law professors love to ask clueless 18 year olds the philosophical question of "would you kill 1 person to save 5 people?" and they never gave us the right answer. they're just asking us to make us confuse and to make the lecture 'seems cool because it's so philosophical' when in fact that's just a vehicle to mindfuck people over jeremy bentham's idea of utilitarianism. there's nothing fancy or complicated about that, in practice, you just make the decision because in the end, there is no right or wrong. there is always justification for both choices. but actually what you think as a 'choice' is actually just a chain of causalities that you probably won't even understand, unless somebody look closely and present to you the probable reason why you leaned more towards choice A instead of B. 

in other words, free will doesn't exist.

you're actually just another powerless train, you won't even have that 'power' to stop the train using 1 fat person to save 5 ppl. there are not people, we are all trains. nobody is god, we're just dots of causalities for every other dots in the universe.

on the other hand, some dutch researcher (wasn't sure if it was biological behaviour, endocronology, or neurology), went asking some dutch ppl the question "would you kill 1 person to save 5 people?" and they'd go "mmhmm you know it's not that simple blah blah blah". then they gave oxytocin to them and asked again, but this time, changed the names of the people. "would you kill Dirk to save 5 people?" they said, "no". then they asked again, "would you kill Ahmad to save 5 people?" they said, "yes". 

see, people. oxytocin is not a mere love hormon. it can also kinda work more or less as a racist hormone. that's 1 example of causality. (also probably a good usage of that useless utilitarianism paradox)

all the judges that think they're so great and they're so fair, and all the law philosophers that think they're thinking so hard to create ideas for the greater good, they're actually 'slaves' to causalities. causalities that form their biological molecules that form their thinking.   

if it's all about causalities, then why do we bother to try hard to find justice? well cause we're humans so we're trying to because we think that's the right thing to do. 

but i just find it hard to be interested in such vague studies of dead old white men opinion. i mean i can study law again, but if i ever do, it's only for the following purposes: 

1. survival practicality (we need jobs to stay alive. sometimes jobs need further educations) 

2. to prove that our current legal system is so bullshit (especially criminal law), that we need to stop thinking law is exclusive or sui generis or whatever shit they call it, and start listening to other approaches. in reality, justice is not achieved by obeying to principles invented by dead white men, it's only achievable by compromising, to 'get real', and to be compassionate and understanding the pain and suffering of all subjects (not just humans but nature too).