so you know i work like 6 days a week from 8 am to 5 pm and commute 40 minutes each way so total i commute 80 minutes which i really hate because my job pays minimum and it's like super useless entry job and i hate commuting because the road has so many potholes and minimum street lights and there are so many trucks passing that road everyday and i just want to give up being alive because even if i get better job in bigger city like surabaya or jakarta or whatever i would still feel pathethic because i hate cities and i hate cities because there's so much disparity in it and i hate disparity so much because seeing suffering makes me feel so frustrated and sad and eventually depressed.
and i know now im just buzzing empty complain words, actually my life is so much better now than it was when i was in university so it's good. but still idk why there's always problem in life and i don't have any energy left to deal with these problems. like bitch stop sending me problem just kill me or something.
one of those problem is today i realised my motorcycle tires have gone very smooth and i probably need to change them asap if i dont want to crash but then i googled prices of tires and turns out if i were to change the tires it'll cost me like 1 week of work and then i was like "bitch why is it so expensive it's literally just round black rubber" but then my boyfriend said "that's reasonable tire price" so then i was like "you're right tires aren't expensive i'm just poor and underpaid."
i mean if i don't change the tires i can just crash and die then i wouldn't need to suffer working to earn money anymore. so that solves the problem somehow. but what if i don't die and get paralysed instead.
you know im just im like so tired of all this cause i just want to breathe and exist without the nuisance of sustaining life. but i feel like there's so much to do if i dont want to die alone being homeless by the time im 60 because to be honest im not like most people. like my mom, her ass was saved because her dad was rich so she didn't even need to spend a dime to buy a house, her dad just bought her a house. and she inherited ricefields. like actual ricefield piece of land. but then she sold it like bitch wtf. if i got ricefield inheritance i'd be like "biittcchh im so rich imma just be a farmer livin my peaceful life." like you already have a house and ricefield and also (my mom) has a job as a teacher, so i honestly wonder how did we get so poor nowadays with all the assets my mom got for free. like you just have a house given to you by your rich daddy but now if my mother die what do i get? nothing. my father also has nothing. bitch i don't even know where my father is. so like me and my sisters we're like, either has to work our ass so hard to earn stable life quality, or marry someone who's rich or stable enough and make sure he won't dump us--which he probably will, anw. i mean men nowadays, what can you expect from them.
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