me and my boyfriend had fight yesterday. today i woke up crying then slept again. then i told the HR guy i'm not coming to work cause my grandparent died (my grandparent actually died but it was last week). the HR guy probably doesn't care anw, he hated me since my frontal attempt to resign. he's probably gonna mark it as an absent day and my payment would get cut off. but i also don't care if he does it.
me and my boyfriend fought every month and i think it's because of my hormonal moodiness around the time of menstruation. my boyfriend hates it when i'm moody. he hates it when i talk about negative stuff. he hates it the most when i said i hate life and i want to die or wish i didn't exist.
my boyfriend is like a golden retriever dog. in my opinion he's abnormally optimistic and loves life, even when he hates his job. his family isn't divorced. his father plays guitar and his mother drives volvo. they have a dog. their house has a pool and sauna in it. they have carpet grass and roses in the backyard and cherry blossom in the front yard. he has a brother and a cute nephew. he plays sports and go on family vacations. he bakes cakes on the weekend and does metal and wood crafts. he's not anxious at all about money or the future. he's just living his life like it's a green meadow in the summer, eventhough he hates his current job. i have no idea people can be that happy when they hate their job.
my boyfriend thinks his optimism and happiness is normal. i'm the abnormal one for hating my life. i told him everyone hates their life. he said that's not true, people love their lives. he said my mind is cloudy and i'm pessimistic because i live in a non-supportive environment and i don't filter the negativity.
i take all of his advice because all of them is right.
my boyfriend is like a hybrid of old wise Gandalf and loving Mary Poppins trapped in a 26 year old guy.
sometimes i think my boyfriend isn't real. if he's real then there's no way he likes me. i'm a wet filthy rat from some ditch.
i just wish he knows how much i like him and want to do daily stuff with him. like eating and having conversation and cycling and watching movie and cleaning the house and gardening together, basically just being exist within the same space and time.
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on tuesday i went to AM's house and i had the best chilling time with her. i made nasi bakar to eat with her then she made me es kopi susu gula aren. then we talk and talk and just talk a lot all day while staring at the weeds in her backyard, then staring at the coconut tree and the sunset sky. she said something about coconut trees being so tall, like why are they literally so tall, like titan trees.
i think coconut trees must have figured it out at some point, that to win the biocompetition you need to modify your genetics to be so versatile that you can grow on nutrient-poor beach sand, and be so tall that if you grow in a densely populated area, you'll still get the most of sun. and they also figured out that if you can get your leaves so thin and long, excessive water evaporation and thirst will be no more. then they hacked the genetics morphology of their fruit/seeds to have a rock-hard shell that they can last a really really long time without getting broken, hence reproduction success rate is high.
my boyfriend likes coconut. too bad they don't grow coconuts in czech republic. there are many plants that they don't grow in czech republic and it kinda makes me sad when i think about it. i told my boyfriend once, if the have lemongrass in czech republic then i wouldn't mind moving there. then my boyfriend went to the internet and found a website where they sell lemongrass plant seedlings. he said he would buy me those seedlings and we can plant them in the backyard. i think that would be really good idea.
when all this covid bullshit is over i'm definitely packing my bags with bumbu soto in it, empty my bank accounts and fly there, so me and my boyfriend can have soto dinner together. maybe even chill in the backyard by the pool and listen to his dad playing guitar. that would be really cool. AM plays guitar too. i think people who plays guitar are cool. i wish i could play guitar.
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