stepgrandfather died this morning. heart, digestive, and breathing issue. was a heavy smoker. divorced. live alone. couldn't cook. cook instant noodle way too often (because he couldn't cook). i set up his oxygen yesterday night. then the next morning he's gone. saw his dead body on the bed. everyone was crying. i wasn't cause i didn't feel any emotions at all.
then ppl went on doing standard islamic procedure on the deceased. we buried him in nearby cemetery. cemetery was overcrowded. as i sat there praying like everyone else i suddenly realise that being an atheist is awesome when your life is ok (i mean ok as in 'all physical basic human needs are fulfilled and you're not in danger'). but when you're going to a dead man funeral and you don't know what to pray or what to wish bcs you know it's all pointless, it's kinda not fun. sometimes i wonder if these ppl who pray, they actually know that praying is pointless but they do it anyway bcs they dont know what else to do, and they know believing in god and mohammad doesnt make sense but they pretend to believe it anw bcs it's just what other people do.
i think people see death as a negative thing because they project it from the grieving perspective. if i were a maggot i would see a dead man as the best news ever. sometimes i also wonder why flowers in cemeteries look so good. i wonder if they put fertilizers and boosters in it, or dead bodies is the secret to growing good flowers.
i commute half hour to/from work, hence i commute 1 hour each workday, and during those 1 hour of riding motorcycle my mind often wonder everywhere. mostly, i'm thinking about how to save both insect diversity population and farmers income. but this other day i was thinking that ethical veganism/vegetarianism is a scam because they refuse to eat animals, but they eat plants, which means they're being speciecists (from the noun 'speciecism' as in 'racists' from the noun 'racism'). i mean, fruits are basically swollen ovaries, containing plant fetus/embryo for their future generation, and we just ruthlessly eat them. i mean we're literally eating babies. plant babies!
but also i think speciecism is kinda nonsense because no species can live wihout the expense of other species. which kinda justify why we kill insects for food crops, but also kinda doesn't justify it. if you think of it from ethical perspective, everything will always be conflicting each other. which then makes me wonder if ethics is also just another scam.
after all, ethics is one of those 'fictions' we believe to make a 'better world/better living'. just like humans right, money, religion, and statehood.
but also i find myself thinking about ethical aspects of stuff. and actually applying ethics to my decision making in real life. so ethics is bullshit but it's not that bullshit. from neurology lectures i learnt that moral and ethics develop in the frontal cortex, and this is something that most of other animals dont have (?). also interesting thing about moral, a.k.a sense of 'right-or-wrong' comes from the same brain area that express disgust (as in 'ew, that meat is rotten so many maggots in it' disgust). so we know something is wrong or immoral when we feel disgusted by something. which is really weird, because now, those so-called moral, ethics, law, norms, whatever it is, have evolved into the very advanced kinds, like "giving money to beggars on the street is illegal", i mean which part of 'disgust' that is? or things like "abortion is permitted but suicide should be prevented at all cost", i mean abortion is you killing your offspring because you think your offspring will be better of dead than alive (either bcs you don't want it, or you're just very poor, or your offspring will be sick), and suicide is killing yourself because you think you will be better off dead than alive. why does killing your offspring is okay but killing yourself is not? what kind of 'disgust' logic are we running on now?
sometimes it gets into too much headache and i just go home, cook some tomato swollen ovaries with plant fetuses in it then talk to my boyfriend. let the world has its problem. i think rene descartes was wrong. it's not "i think, therefore i exist". i think it's more like, "i have problems, therefore i exist".
0 comments:
Post a Comment