I know I've been overweight since the day I was born, but I'm not that kind of girl who try so hard to lose weight, to be perfect, to be beautiful so she can have a boyfriend or whatnot. Just saying, because that's what most of girls in my ages do.
But I do feel insecure. Sometimes. Or, frankly, most of times.
I hate mirror because it shows me how I look like, and it makes me hate myself even more.
And the most horror thing is watching myself naked. It's like watching a ghost.
One day, I joined my mother on a weight-loss program. I thought it would be great. I thought I would be healthier and happier.
Well, maybe I was wrong.
I drank 3 litres of water everyday. I took diet pills. I exercised 2 hours a day. I only ate real food (which was a tiny portion of rice and vegetables and fruit) once a day, after school. I drank weight-loss tea which made my stomach scream.
I lost 3 kilograms in less than a week.
But then my body felt weak. My muscles weakened. I felt tired and drained all the time. I thought I was beating my laziness, but actually I was punishing my body.
Everytime I remember those days, I feel like a fool. Why did I do that? Why is insecurity so powerful, that it can make mentally-healthy people (especially girls) eat less than their bodies need, pushing themselves to a blurred limit, trying so hard to reach a finish that will move further everytime they already reach it?
Is it their own fault for feeling insecure, or is it society fault for putting unrealistic beauty standard? We don't know. I don't know. People don't know.
All I know: this makes no sense.
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